Musings - II

2017 | I Value More My Life

(But as time eventually passes, some of what I have written here is not anymore a reflection of my thoughts. My perception to life has changed then. I no longer have that positive temperament in me, I am no longer that ''one of the living legacies of this beautiful world who has a positive perception towards life''. Through time, I just learn to accept reality and work for it.)

---

I do not know how many weeks, how many months, years, or decades I have left to live. But no matter what I am always grateful for the blessing of life that God has given me. All I hope for is that He would give me the chance to live my life for innumerable years and become one of the century-old women in the world and I want to be someone historical, not because I was the oldest but because I wanted to share everything in the past, all the best and worst of the times throughout the generations. I hope that all these petty pains I am feeling right now are not pressing. I hope God would give me many more years and decades to fulfill my roles in life - to make my parents and siblings proud as well as my relatives, to alleviate our socioeconomic status from what we are right now into a much better condition, to educate my nephews and nieces and help them, and be a guiding star to their everyday walks of life and so I wanted to teach them things, advice them when they get their hearts broken or when society tries to devour them. I'll support them through all their life endeavors. I, too, want to have my own faithful and God-fearing husband who would take care, be my number one fan and will understand me with all the things that I want to do in my life and through that amazing man, I wanted to have a happy family not just happy at the beginning yet happy for a lifetime and of course with my own little children who will serve as my crane when I could hardly walk, whose hands would spoon-feed me when I can no longer feed myself with my own hands, whose eyes will be my eyes when my eyes get dimmed as time passes. And as they grow, their steps and dreams will serve as mine too because all I have dreamed of in life are for the welfare of my family.

As for now I wanna finish education and pursue a lot more degrees to become competent (for God's will) and be capable to do things and go far from the expectations of my parents and be a polymath and I know it is not impossible to reach only if I persevere and make all my tasks a passion and love which will make me easier to do everything.

I am a shred of living evidence, proof that struggle is real. Yet I know living a life in the world is just like living on heaven because I know God sent me to this world with this type of life because of countless reasons and for a fact that the world itself is beautiful and that is why it should be lived. We should always treasure our life here on earth because it is something worth living, the pain, and all that there is in the world.

I am one of the living legacies of this beautiful world who has a positive perception towards life. Many people treat this world as hell, cruel, worst, unfair, unjust, selfish, unhappy, a tired and relentless job, a shower of reflective tears and sticky blood, an ocean of the most salt sweats, burden, passive, irregular, odd and complex. What shall I say - a part of me strongly affirms to this perspective every time I try to look at our condition and to those situations my poor brothers and sisters were into. But isn't that world is still good? Those times of playful talks and sweet conversation with our families (those everyday motivational statements they throw at us every time we get out into the door because we are on our way to school, that lovely appreciation and support they let us feel that ignites us to keep moving forward despite all the struggles in school and at home and their presence itself made us even happier realizing that we are truly blessed).