Ten Things I Know To Be True (#2- Heights)

Second, I am afraid of heights, I have acrophobia but soon I realized that what is true about me is not being afraid of heights but I fear falling. Sometimes I can manage this abnormal dread when I am used to it, however every time I got to see it I can see the depth, an outward energy pulling me over to fall, and I cannot afford to stop thinking about falling and no one’s going to catch me or save me, and worst I will end up not sprained but dead (mentally, emotionally). And so whenever possible I got to tie myself so that no matter how strong the pull of gravitation I would still be standing firm, or else I used to extremely avoid these places, I shut these things out in my head, so I could literally isolate myself from him, from falling and from being unsaved.

But there were moments that I thought of getting the risk to feel how was it like to fall, and how was it like after falling and be into it. I kept on thinking about trying it out, overcoming the fear, of jumping over, yet I could not. I could not but if there is this one thing that could make me do it maybe it is when someone would speak to me that he is ready to catch me, and he’s there to see me do it, of conquering it, of motivating me, of guiding me through the process because he knows that I am new to this, that only through him I can make things out, we can make things out, and we’ll fall together.

And with this someone maybe I could try flying over from the pole because I know he has secured the harness and he holds the rope too tight and is there to belay me while I am trying to climb over. He knows that I am afraid to venture it out but he is my Polaris who got to guide me through it.

So yes, one thing that I know to be true is being afraid of it, but I also know that I’d be ready once my belayer gets to say ‘climb’ when I say ‘I’m climbing’ and when he gets to say ‘fall’ when I say ‘I’m falling’, but most importantly when I say ‘I’m falling’ he’d say ‘well love, you know I’m just waiting’.